Halloween Chaos!
by Haruhara Haruko
Summary: Who says that FF characters can't go trick-or-treating under heavy doses of alcohol? :D
1. I'll have to invite Ken, and Barbie, and...

HALLOWEEN CHAOS! By Tifa Lockhart and Golden-Sephy  
  
Welcome to Halloween Chaos! This is yet another chapter to my series of 'Chaos' fics that feature FFVII-X, plus Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross characters celebrating a holiday with craziness. (But it's not a continuation, so you don't have to read the other 'Chaos' fics before this one. Although it would be easier to understand some of the weird crap that goes on.) As in 'Valentine's Day Chaos!', one of my friends are co- authoring this fic--it's Golden-Sephy this time. ^^ She'll be Re in the fic, her sidekick is Takt (or Silver-Sephy). And as usual, I'm Akari and my sidekick is Ryu. Enjoy the fic!  
  
And guess what, everyone? AERIS IS GONNA BE IN THE FIC!!! Yes, I know I'm known to leave Aeris out and replace her with Shera. Well, I like all the FF characters as of a month or something ago. *takes out a voodoo doll of Aeris with pins sticking in* See? *notices pins* Uh... Where'd those come from? *takes out pins* Yes... I'll just get rid of these pins... *eye twitches* Oh, and Shera's still gonna be in the fic. For all you Shera fans. Hello? Any Shera fans here? *silence* Eh. Let's just get on with the fic.  
  
Disclaimer: As with all disclaimers, I don't own--*gets whacked with a hammer* O.o Uh, that came a little early. Well, I don't own anything.  
  
~*CH. 1*~  
  
As all the 'Chaos' fics start, the FFVII cast--Aeris and Shera included-- are in Tifa's Seventh Heaven. But something's different...  
  
Cloud: It's...so...boring...  
  
Yes, everyone's bored. Usually, there's craziness going on at night at the bar. And especially on a holiday.  
  
Tifa: Hmm... Something's different.  
  
Yuffie suddenly runs into the room, dressed as Seymour. She runs around, secretly searching everyone's pockets for Materia as she says boring useless crap.  
  
Yuffie: Hey everyone! Happy Halloween!  
  
Aeris: ...What? Halloween?  
  
Everyone: *notices Aeris* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Aeris: ???  
  
Tifa: Sorry, we thought you were dead.  
  
Aeris: I know. I am.  
  
Everyone: ... *edges away from Aeris*  
  
Aeris: Anyway, back to Yuffie.  
  
Everyone: ...Yuffie? *all notice Yuffie* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: What?  
  
Red XIII: You're so... UGLY!!! *covers eyes*  
  
Yuffie: Oh, this costume? It's Seymour from FFX.  
  
Cait Sith: *in a slurry voice* Sey-mour? FFX?  
  
Yuffie: ...He's just an ugly guy.  
  
Cait Sith: We figured that out already.  
  
Cloud: Wow. His hair outdoes mine.  
  
Vincent: And why are you dressed like that?  
  
Yuffie: It's Halloween!  
  
Everyone: Huh?  
  
Yuffie: You know, the day when kids dress up as stuff and go out and steal candy?  
  
Shera: I think I've heard of that. But we're all too old to trick or treat.  
  
Yuffie: But we still can.  
  
Barret: That would be illegal, though!  
  
Yuffie: Who cares? There are no cops in Midgar.  
  
Cloud: Yeah... *starts getting ideas*  
  
Tifa: How bout we just have a Halloween party, though?  
  
Aeris: Yeah, let's PARTY!!! *takes off shirt*  
  
Everyone: *stares at Aeris* O.O OH GOD.  
  
Aeris: Uh... *puts shirt back on* Sorry.  
  
Cloud: That...was...torture. *rubs eyes*  
  
Tifa: ...Anyway, let's get costumes on!  
  
Everyone rushes off to find costumes.  
  
Yuffie: Well, I guess I'm the only one who's ready. *smiles evilly* I might as well not waste this time.  
  
Suddenly Re, Takt, Akari, and Ryu appear. Re and Takt are in cute Sephiroth outfits with only their hair colors separating their looks--Re's hair is gold, Takt's is silver. And Akari is of course, in a Tifa outfit, with Ryu in a Cloud outfit. -_-;;  
  
Yuffie: Eek!  
  
Akari: -_-;; Is it that bad? *examines outfit*  
  
Yuffie: Yes!  
  
Akari: ... *whacks Yuffie on the head*  
  
Yuffie: *rubs head* Erm... Who are you all and what are you doing here?  
  
Re: Let me explain. We're all authoring this fanfic.  
  
Yuffie: Uh... Okay. Now excuse me.  
  
Yuffie runs to the phone.  
  
Takt: Are you gonna invite a million FF people like the last two times?  
  
Yuffie: Yep! ^_^  
  
All the authors: YAY!!!  
  
Takt: We'll all go get the FF people over here, then!  
  
All the authors disappear. Meanwhile in the FFVIII world... Squall, Rinoa, Seifer, Zell, Laguna, Selphie, Quistis, Irvine, and Raine are in Squall's room at the SeeD dorms.  
  
Rinoa: So... Today is Halloween.  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Quistis: When are we gonna go ruin Cid's office?  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Laguna: Aren't you kids gonna get in trouble for that?  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Rinoa: Stop saying 'whatever'!!  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Rinoa: AAAARRGH!! *whacks Squall with a random object*  
  
Squall: ...Okay, I'm done.  
  
Quistis: -_-;; Anyway, back to the prank we were gonna play on Cid.  
  
Raine: Are you serious about that?! You really want poor Cid to walk into his office to find it looking like this?!  
  
Raine holds up a photo of Seymour's room, which is pink all over. There are posters of Barbie dolls and girly crap everywhere. His stuff is all pink and fluffy. Seymour is in the middle of the room, dressed like 'Beach Barbie'--in a really small bikini--and smiling for the camera. O_O  
  
Squall: O.o *examines the picture* Wow. How'd you get that photo?  
  
Raine: Er... I found it? *smiles nervously*  
  
Squall: Good. I was pretty sure that my mother wasn't cheating on Laguna with Seymour. Come on, you're much better than that.  
  
Raine: ...  
  
Laguna: ...  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Squall: ...Mom?  
  
Raine: *sweatdrop*  
  
Selphie: O.o Anyways, can't we find anything better to do?  
  
Irvine: Yeah, like have a strip party!!  
  
All the guys: YEAH!!!  
  
Seifer: All the women can strip while we watch!  
  
Selphie: Yeah, great idea!  
  
Rinoa, Raine, and Quistis glare at Selphie.  
  
Selphie: What? It'll be fun. Let's start now. *takes off shirt*  
  
All the guys: *stare at Selphie* :D  
  
Selphie: ^_^ Come on, you three.  
  
Rinoa: Oh, what the heck.  
  
Quistis: Yeah.  
  
Quistis, Raine, and Rinoa take off their shirts. O.o Suddenly, the phone rings.  
  
Seifer: *finally takes eyes off Rinoa, Raine, Selphie, and Quistis* ...What if it's Cid and he knows that we're all planning to destroy his office?  
  
Squall: I'm not picking it up!  
  
Rinoa: Let's just let it ring.  
  
The phone rings for half an hour. Everyone is silent.  
  
Rinoa: ...AAARRGH!!! I can't take it anymore!!!  
  
Rinoa grabs the phone.  
  
Rinoa: Hello?  
  
Yuffie: Hi!!!  
  
Rinoa: ...Oh, Yuffie.  
  
Everyone: *breathes out*  
  
Rinoa: What do you want?  
  
Yuffie: Wanna come to a Halloween party?  
  
Rinoa: A Halloween party? Sure!  
  
Yuffie: Okay! Bring everyone you know!  
  
Rinoa: Okay... *laughs evilly*  
  
Yuffie: O.o  
  
Rinoa: Sorry.  
  
Rinoa and Yuffie hang up. Suddenly, the authors appear.  
  
Akari: Hiiii!!! Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie, put your shirts on.  
  
The three do so.  
  
Rinoa: *sigh* Not you people again...  
  
Re: Do we know you?  
  
Rinoa: I don't really know.  
  
Takt: We're here to take you to Tifa's.  
  
Squall: And how will we get there?  
  
Akari: I'll zap you. I'm a sorceress, after all. ^^  
  
Rinoa: Eek! *moves away from Akari*  
  
Akari: ...Oookay. Let's go.  
  
Zell: Wait! We need costumes!  
  
Akari zaps all the FFVIII people and their clothes turn into random costumes.  
  
Selphie: *examining costume* Hey, I'm Card Captor Sakura!!! ^-^  
  
Rinoa: I'm a... Erm... Hmm...  
  
Re: That appears to be a tomato.  
  
Rinoa: Cool, I love tomatos!  
  
Re: -_-;;  
  
Irvine: I'm... A woman?  
  
Akari: Yep! It fits your personality.  
  
Irvine: What...the...hell...  
  
Zell: You're so lucky!  
  
Irvine: O.o  
  
Zell: Uh... I mean... A woman is a better costume in comparison to Kero from CCS.  
  
Irvine: Actually, no it's not.  
  
Zell: Er... Forget you heard everything I just said.  
  
Irvine: Consider it done. *bangs head onto a metal pan*  
  
Zell: O.o  
  
Selphie: Woohoo, he fainted!  
  
Irvine: No, not yet. *suddenly falls over, knocked out*  
  
Squall: Er... Anyway... Do I HAVE to be a lobster?  
  
Akari: Yeah. You look much better in the costume than Rinoa would have.  
  
Squall: ...?  
  
Laguna: Hey, I'm a crab!  
  
Raine: And I'm a shrimp! Wow, our family matches!  
  
Squall: Noooooo!!!!  
  
Quistis: What am I supposed to be?!  
  
Akari: A Playboy bunny!  
  
Quistis: Where the hell do you come up with these things?!  
  
Akari: Er... *sweatdrop* Nowhere... *looks for a place to hide*  
  
Ryu: Let's just go.  
  
Irvine gets revived and Akari zaps everyone away. Meanwhile in Alexandria castle in the FFIX world... Dagger is walking around, dressed in her Queen outfit. Zidane walks over. He's dressed as a monkey, obviously.  
  
Zidane: Hiii!!  
  
Dagger: *sigh* Hello...  
  
Zidane: Is that your costume? It's horrid!  
  
Dagger: !!! *whacks Zidane with her rod*  
  
Zidane: *falls over and faints*  
  
Dagger: Cool, no one that I hit has actually fainted before this!  
  
Vivi runs in, dressed as a cute little carrot. o.O  
  
Dagger: What the... A carrot?  
  
Vivi: Yep. ^-^  
  
Dagger: Erm... Okay...  
  
Vivi: I wanna trick or treat!  
  
Dagger: I'm busy.  
  
Vivi: Doing what?  
  
Dagger: ...Stripping! Yeah, that's it!  
  
Vivi: Oh, as usual. Can I watch?  
  
Dagger: O.o Uh...  
  
Steiner runs in, wearing a Pikachu outfit. O.o  
  
Dagger: Steiner, go take Vivi trick or treating.  
  
Steiner: I can't, Your Majesty. I'm looking for Meowth.  
  
Dagger: o.O Do it.  
  
Steiner: No.  
  
Dagger: Come on.  
  
Steiner: No!  
  
Dagger: AAAAAARRRGH!!! THAT'S IT!!!  
  
Dagger goes into a crazy rampage, smacks Steiner's head with her rod, and jumps out the window.  
  
Vivi: O.o What was that?!?!?! Everyone's dead now!!  
  
Vivi examines Steiner and Zidane.  
  
Vivi: Oh well. ^-^  
  
Suddenly the phone rings. Vivi picks it up.  
  
Vivi: *doing a crappy imitation of Dagger's voice* Hello?  
  
Yuffie: Hey Dagger. Wanna come to a Halloween party at Tifa's?  
  
Vivi: Okay. *hangs up*  
  
Yuffie: That was quick... *hangs up*  
  
Vivi: That was too easy. Well, a party... I better go get someone to take me.  
  
Suddenly, the FFVIII crew and the authors appear.  
  
Takt: Hey Vivi! Where is everyone?  
  
Vivi: Well, Dagger jumped out the window and you're standing on Zidane and Steiner.  
  
Takt: *looks down to see Steiner and Zidane below his feet* Erm... Oops. *steps off*  
  
Vivi: It's okay, Takt, you can keep standing on them.  
  
Takt: Yay!  
  
Takt steps back on Zidane and Steiner. A few crunching sounds are heard. O.o  
  
Akari: -_-;; We're gonna take you to Tifa's party now.  
  
Vivi: But I wanna trick or treat!  
  
Akari: Too damn bad! *laughs evilly*  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Akari: ...Sorry. Now let's get these two up.  
  
Takt steps off Zidane and Steiner. Akari zaps them, awaking them.  
  
Akari: Now, let's go find Dagger.  
  
Zidane: Wait, what's going on? And why is my back broken?  
  
Steiner: Mine too?  
  
Takt: ^.^;; I didn't do anything.  
  
Re: -_-;; Takt... Anyway, we're going to take you all to Tifa's Halloween party.  
  
Zidane: Woohoo, chicks! I hope some are dressed as Playboy bunnies!  
  
Akari: Quistis?  
  
Quistis: NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Zidane: Yeah!!!  
  
Quistis: Changeitchangeitchangeit!!!  
  
Akari: No.  
  
Zidane: *jumps at Quistis*  
  
Quistis: Eeeek!! *whacks Zidane away*  
  
Akari: Oh great, he's unconscious again.  
  
Quistis: Keep him that way!  
  
Akari: Fine, fine. Now for Dagger.  
  
Akari zaps Dagger over.  
  
Dagger: *shaking all over, eyes red* M-must...kill...Steiner...  
  
Takt: *examines Dagger's hair* Wow... It's long... Pretty...  
  
Dagger: *gets out of trance* Oh, @#$%.  
  
Takt runs after Dagger, trying to catch her hair.  
  
Re: *smacks own forehead* Rekka Shinen!!!  
  
Re takes out her weapon, the Tessen--an iron fan. She uses it on Takt, blowing flames all over his body.  
  
Takt: *realizes he's burned* AAAAHHH!!!!  
  
Re: ^^  
  
Takt: *rolls on the ground* Heeeeelp!!!!!  
  
Akari: Should I?  
  
Re: Yeah, he's had enough.  
  
Akari: *uses Water on Takt*  
  
Takt: *wet all over* Can I still see your hair?  
  
Dagger: NO!!  
  
Re: Er... Let's just go.  
  
Akari zaps everyone away. Meanwhile in the FFX world... Wakka is playing Blitzball inside a sphere in Besaid and Tidus, Yuna, Auron, Kimahri, Rikku, and Lulu are outside, watching him.  
  
Tidus: *sigh* This is so boring...  
  
Wakka turns to Tidus.  
  
Wakka: What did you sa--  
  
Suddenly, someone throws a blitzball at Wakka, hitting him out of the sphere.  
  
Wakka: Oww... The game is over, ya?  
  
Yuna: It's so boring. And it's Halloween.  
  
Rikku: We should have a party or something.  
  
Suddenly Seymour runs runs over, dressed in a baboon suit.  
  
Seymour: Hey guys! Wanna come to my house? I'm having a party!  
  
Rikku: Erm, no...  
  
Yuna: But Rikku, you just said--  
  
Rikku: *covers Yuna's mouth* Heh heh heh.  
  
Yuna: *bites Rikku's hand*  
  
Lulu: *sigh* You immature brats. Is this gonna go on forever?  
  
Rikku: Yes! She nearly ate my hand off!!! *bites Yuna's hand*  
  
Seymour: O.o Er... Kay.  
  
Suddenly, something rings. Seymour takes a pretty little pink cell phone that's decorated with flower stickers and says 'Seymour' in cute pink letters on it out of his pocket.  
  
Everyone: *looks at the phone* O.O  
  
Rikku: *swirly-eyed* @.@  
  
Seymour: *into phone* Hello?  
  
Yuffie: Hi! Wanna come to Tifa's party today?  
  
Seymour: Sure.  
  
Yuffie: Kay, bring everyone.  
  
Seymour: Sure.  
  
Seymour takes out some pretty pink stationery decorated with flowers and bunnies out of his pocket, along with a pen to match.  
  
Everyone: *stares* Oh... My... God...  
  
Seymour: *writes onto the paper* Hmm... I'll have to invite Ken, and Barbie, and... Oh yeah, Kelly too.  
  
Everyone: O_O  
  
Seymour: Okay, there we go. *hangs up* We're going to a party.  
  
Everyone: Woohoo!!!  
  
Seymour: Wait. You all didn't want to come to my party.  
  
Yuna: Well, to be honest, we hate your parties.  
  
Lulu: Yeah. You always decorate the place with Barbie stuff.  
  
Rikku: And serve crap in Barbie plates and cups and have cakes with Barbie's face on them... And you even dress like Barbie... *shudders*  
  
Seymour: Yep, I love Barbie. But doesn't everyone?  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Suddenly the authors appear with the FFIX and FFVIII people.  
  
Re: Did Yuffie tell you that you're all going to a party?  
  
Wakka: Ya.  
  
Re: Good.  
  
Tidus: Do we have to?  
  
Akari: Yes, you whiny-ass Leonardo Di Caprio copying blonde.  
  
Tidus: Erm... Alright.  
  
Akari zaps everyone away. Meanwhile in the Chrono Trigger world, Crono is sitting in his room reading something. The phone rings and he picks it up.  
  
Yuffie: Hello, Crono?  
  
Crono: *tries to talk but no sound comes out*  
  
Yuffie: Uh, yeah. Wanna come to Tifa's party? Invite everyone.  
  
Crono: *tries again*  
  
Yuffie: Sure, whatever. Now bye. *hangs up*  
  
Crono: *hangs up and resumes reading*  
  
Marle runs into the room.  
  
Marle: Hiiiii!!!  
  
Crono: *sigh*  
  
Marle: Why aren't you talking?  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Marle: Talk.  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Marle: Come on!!  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Marle: Fine, you tone-deaf freak!  
  
The authors appear with the FFVIII-X people.  
  
Ryu: We're taking you to Tifa's Halloween party. Where's everyone else?  
  
Crono: *tries to talk*  
  
Akari: -_-;; *zaps Crono* You always talk in my fics.  
  
Crono: Not in this one. ^^  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! *jump back*  
  
Akari: YOU FREAK!!!  
  
Crono: What?  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! HE DID IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Akari: That's better. Now, what are you doing?  
  
Akari looks at Crono's magazine.  
  
Akari: What...the...@#$%...  
  
Crono is reading a porn mag. He's staring at a giant centerfold of a naked woman. Crono reaches for a photo of Marle on his desk. He cuts her head out and glues it down onto the centerfold, so it's a random naked woman with Marle's head. Crono smiles and stares at the picture.  
  
Everyone: O_O;; Marle: YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!  
  
Marle takes out her crossbow and shoots Crono, who falls on the floor and faints.  
  
Marle: ^_^  
  
Akari: Er... Let's just go.  
  
Akari zaps over Lucca, who is wearing nothing but a bath towel.  
  
Lucca: Huh?... *sees everyone* AAAAAAAHHH!!!  
  
Re: You're going to Tifa's Halloween party.  
  
Lucca: I don't wanna!  
  
Re: This is against your will.  
  
Lucca: Nooooo!!! Why do you have to control my life?!  
  
Re: Cause you're my slave. MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: *stares at Re* O.o  
  
Re: ...Sorry.  
  
Takt: -_-;; She's always like that.  
  
Re: *eye twitches* ...  
  
Takt: ...Oh, @#$%. *turns around and runs*  
  
Re: *takes out weapon* DIIIEEEE!!!  
  
Akari: *sigh* Calm down...  
  
Re: *puts back weapon and stares at Takt evilly*  
  
Takt: *stops running* Yay, I got away!!!  
  
Lucca: ...Can we just go now?  
  
Ryu: Everyone needs costumes.  
  
Marle runs out of the room and runs back in a minute later, wearing a Playboy bunny outfit.  
  
Marle: ^_~  
  
Akari: O.o God, that costume's horrid...  
  
Marle: !!! *whacks Akari*  
  
Akari: You have no right to do that! *burns Marle with Firaga*  
  
Marle: *scorched* Okay, sure... *falls over*  
  
Akari: ^^ Do you have any costumes ready, Lucca?  
  
Lucca: No.  
  
Akari: Then I'll have to make you one. ^_~  
  
Lucca: Eeek!!  
  
Akari zaps Lucca and she's instantly wearing an outfit just like Marle's.  
  
Lucca: -_-;; This isn't funny.  
  
Authors: Yes it is!!  
  
Akari: Finally, Crono.  
  
Akari revives Crono.  
  
Crono: I have my own outfit, if you're planning to make me a Playboy bunny too.  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! HE TALKED AGAIN!!!  
  
Crono: -_-;; Will you stop doing that?  
  
Everyone: Okay.  
  
Crono: O.o Thanks.  
  
Akari: *smiles evilly* You know, you'd look good as a Play--  
  
Crono: ...NO.  
  
Crono takes out an outfit exactly like Serge's and puts it on.  
  
Crono: ^-^  
  
Akari: ...Oookay. Let's go now.  
  
Akari zaps everyone away. And finally, in the Chrono Cross world... Serge is shown on Opassa Beach. He's alone and looking out at sea.  
  
Serge: Heeheehee... Time for some fun!!  
  
Serge strips down to nothing O.O and runs into the water. A few moments later, he's completely underwater. Bubbles appear as if he's trying to breathe. Suddenly Leena runs onscreen.  
  
Leena: Sergey!!!  
  
Leena notices the bubbles.  
  
Leena: O.o *runs into the water and pulls Serge out*  
  
Serge: *gasping for air* Thanks...  
  
Leena: Why are you naked?  
  
Serge: *shrugs*  
  
Leena: Er... O.o You got a phone call. Some kid named Yuffie wants you to come to a party.  
  
Serge: Yay!  
  
Leena: Hey... Are you cheating on me?!?!  
  
Serge: No.  
  
Leena: Just like last time with that 'Kidd' girl...  
  
Serge: *millions of sweatdrops* Uh... I don't know what you're talking about...  
  
Leena: I KNEW IT!! YOU ARE!!!  
  
Leena's eyes turn red.  
  
Serge: Oh, @#$%^&*@#$%^&*@#$%^&*.  
  
Leena whacks Serge with a spatula, knocking him out. Suddenly the authors appear with the FFVIII-X, plus CT people.  
  
Ryu: Hi Leena.  
  
Leena: Er... You're standing on Serge...  
  
Ryu: *looks down* Why's he naked?  
  
Leena: *shrugs* Just step off him.  
  
Ryu: I don't wanna. *jumps up and down*  
  
Akari: Stop that! Serge is hot!  
  
Leena: WHAT?!?!?!?  
  
Ryu: HEY!!!  
  
Akari: ^^;; He is!  
  
Leena: *eye twitches*  
  
Ryu: You cheated on me!!!  
  
Ryu jumps at Akari and smacks her with a flail.  
  
Leena: *watching from a few feet away* WOOHOO!!! GO RYU!!!  
  
Re: *smacks own forehead* I don't know them...  
  
Takt: Yes you do! That's Akari and Ryu. And they seem to be fighting over Serge.  
  
Re: O.o Just pretend I don't know them.  
  
Takt: But you do!!!  
  
Re: That's it... REKKA SHINEN!!!  
  
Re takes out her iron fan, the Tessen, and uses it on Takt. Flames shoot all over the place and he's knocked out instantly.  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Akari: Er... A little help?  
  
Re: Sure. ^^ Rekka Shinen!!!!! *uses Tessen on Ryu*  
  
Ryu: *blink blink* *falls over*  
  
Akari: ^_^ Thanks. Now, we can go get Kidd and Harle and take them to Tifa's.  
  
Re: Leena, go get them.  
  
Leena: No. I hate you all!!  
  
Akari: *sigh* Fine, I'll do it myself...  
  
Akari zaps Kidd and Harle over. Lynx is with them.  
  
Akari: Lynx, what are you doing here?  
  
Lynx: I dunno... But I sure wasn't making out with Kidd...  
  
Everyone: O.O !!!!!!!  
  
Kidd: *sounding casual* What? He wasn't.  
  
Akari: Er... Alright.  
  
Serge suddenly awakens.  
  
Serge: Wha?... Kidd made out with my father?... *fully conscious now* HEY!!! YOU CHEATED ON ME!!!  
  
Kidd: I don't know what yer talking about.  
  
Leena: You were with her?!?!?  
  
Serge: Uh... No...  
  
Akari: This is just sad. Let's go already!!  
  
Akari gives the CC characters costumes; Serge is Crono, Harle is of course a clown, and Lynx is a house cat. O.o She zaps everyone away. Now back to Tifa's bar in the FFVII world. Everyone walks into the main room, dressed in Halloween outfits.  
  
Cloud=Crono  
  
Barret=Mr. T  
  
Vincent=a vampire  
  
Cid=Eminem  
  
Red XIII=Simba from the Lion King O.o  
  
Cait Sith=Meowth from Pokemon  
  
Shera=a giant tea bag O.O  
  
Tifa=a horse's head  
  
Aeris=a horse's butt o.O  
  
Aeris: *grumble* Why do I have to be the butt?!  
  
Tifa: ^_^ Cause I'm better than you!  
  
Barret: You know, you two are gonna have to be attached to each other through the whole party.  
  
Tifa and Aeris: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Barret: Mwehehehe. *walks off*  
  
The authors appear with the FFVIII-X, plus CT and CC people.  
  
Akari: Hey everyone!!  
  
Tifa and Cloud: *stare at Akari and Ryu* ...  
  
Akari: ^-^ Great, aren't they?  
  
Cloud: *shudders* He has my hair.  
  
Tifa: Yes, it's scary... *suddenly notices everyone and freaks out* AAAAAAHHHH!!!! WHAT ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE DOING HERE????!!!!  
  
Akari: Uh...  
  
Takt: It was Yuffie's fault!  
  
Yuffie: *glares at Takt* Yes, it was. *realizes mistake* I mean... Oh, @#$%.  
  
Tifa: YUFFIE!!!!  
  
Yuffie: ^.^;; *runs off*  
  
Tifa: I'M GONNA GET YOU!!!!  
  
Tifa runs after Yuffie.  
  
Akari: -_-;;  
  
Cloud: Well, let's PARTY!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: YEAHHH!!!  
  
~*~*~  
  
Please review! 


	2. LET'SH ALL BE ILLEGALSH!!!

Welcome to Chapter 2. I'm sorry that I haven't been updating on this fic in a while, but I lost all my files as it says in my bio. Anyway, just so the costumes aren't forgotten, a character's costume will be near their name like this:  
  
Vincent / a vampire: Blah blah blah random crap.  
  
I hope it isn't too hard that way. Anyway, enjoy!  
  
BTW... In the last chapter, I didn't mention what Kidd, Leena, Seifer, and almost the whole FFX crew was gonna be dressed as. O_o Sorry! You can find out here when they have dialogue.  
  
Disclaimer: Aren't you tired of reading the same thing over and over? 'I don't own anything, I don't own anything, I don't own anything'? Well, then try 'DISCLAIMER-BE-GONE'!! This is a revolutionary new product that gets rid of all the disclaimers in any fic you read! And it sells for just 9248643289462387432974892374 easy payments of $999,999,999,999,999!!!! *gets whacked with a hammer* O.o Okay, I deserved that... I don't own anything.  
  
~*~  
  
Chaos is ensuing. Everyone is doing various weird stuff. The 4 authors are standing in a corner, talking.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: We should really do something about this...  
  
Ryu / Cloud: Let's make everyone drunk and naked and crazy!!!  
  
Akari / Tifa: ...NO. Not like the last two times.  
  
Flashback... Yuffie is shown running through the Seventh Heaven, very hyper. She's completely naked and there's a banner taped to her butt that says 'FEED ME LIQUOR'. Flashback ends.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: *shudders* That's definitely a bad idea...  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Well, we can get everyone to go trick or treating.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Hmm... Yeah!!!  
  
Ryu / Cloud: We just have to separate everyone into different groups.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Great, let's make a plan...  
  
The authors laugh madly and start to work on a plan. Later, at 9:00 P.M.... Most of the guys are drunk and some knocked out. Everyone else is going crazy. Akari jumps onto a nearby table.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Okay everyone, we're gonna trick or treat!  
  
Cloud / Crono: *clearly drunk* WOOTSH!!! LET'SH ALL BE ILLEGALSH!!! *falls over*  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o Right... We're having everyone break into groups.  
  
Akari lists all the groups...  
  
~*~  
  
GROUP 1 -- THE DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE IN A DUMB BOY BAND  
  
Cloud / Crono  
  
Cid / Eminem  
  
Vincent / vampire  
  
Zell / Kero  
  
Zidane / monkey  
  
Tidus / chocobo  
  
Wakka / Raijin  
  
Crono / Serge  
  
Serge / Crono  
  
GROUP 2 -- VEGETABLES AND OTHER FOODS  
  
Shera / tea bag  
  
Squall / lobster  
  
Rinoa / tomato  
  
Laguna / crab  
  
Raine / shrimp  
  
Vivi / carrot  
  
Leena / potato  
  
GROUP 3 -- PLAYBOY BUNNIES (all the members are Playboy bunnies so their costumes aren't written)  
  
Quistis  
  
Irvine  
  
Yuna  
  
Lulu  
  
Rikku  
  
Marle  
  
Lucca  
  
GROUP 4 -- HAIRY ANIMALS (some people, like Zidane / monkey, are in other groups even though they're hairy O_o)  
  
Yuffie / Seymour  
  
Red XIII / Simba  
  
Cait Sith / Meowth  
  
Tifa / horse head  
  
Aeris / horse butt  
  
Seifer / giant cat  
  
Steiner / Pikachu  
  
Kimahri / giant cat  
  
Seymour / baboon  
  
Lynx / giant cat  
  
GROUP 5 -- STRANGE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE  
  
Barret / Mr. T  
  
Selphie / CCSakura  
  
Dagger / princess  
  
Kidd / Yuffie  
  
Harle / clown  
  
GROUP 6 -- AUTHORS AND SEPHIROTHS  
  
Akari / Tifa  
  
Ryu / Cloud  
  
Re / Sephiroth  
  
Takt / Sephiroth  
  
Auron / Sephiroth  
  
~*~  
  
Quistis / Playboy bunny: Where the hell did you come up with the names of these groups, Akari?!  
  
Irvine / Playboy bunny: Woohoo!! I'm a Playboy bunny!!  
  
All the other members of the Playboy bunny group: *slowly edge away from Irvine*  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: :D I'm a Sephiroth!!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Welcome to the club.  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: Sweet!!!  
  
Akari / Tifa: Okay, get into your groups and let's all trick or treat!!  
  
Everyone splits into their groups and go somewhere. First, with GROUP 1 -- THE DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE IN A DUMB BOY BAND.  
  
Cid / Eminem: So... What the @#$% do we do? It's @#$%in' boring.  
  
Cloud / Crono: ...  
  
Vincent / vampire: ...Vot the hell did you just say?  
  
Zell / Kero: I think he can't talk cause he's Crono...  
  
Vincent / vampire: Votever. *sucks Cloud's blood*  
  
Zell / Kero: O_o;;  
  
Wakka / Raijin: So, let's go trick or treating, ya know?  
  
Tidus / chocobo: Wark wark, I can see why you're dressed as Raijin... You evil Raijin copier... Wark...  
  
Wakka / Raijin: So true, ya know?  
  
Crono / Serge: ...  
  
Serge / Crono: ...  
  
Zidane / monkey: Crono and Serge are right. We should get moving.  
  
And so, the party of 9 sets off... They soon reach a chocobo ranch.  
  
Choco Bill: Hey there! Oh, I see one of my chocobos got loose. How nice of you to return him.  
  
Choco Bill grabs Tidus's hair and drags him away.  
  
Tidus / chocobo: Kweeeeh!!!! *gets thrown into a stable*  
  
Vincent / vampire: Oh great, so now vee have to get him back?  
  
Zell / Kero: Yep. Guess we can't trick or treat. Damn, I'm missing all that food...  
  
Cid / Eminem: I can see why you're Kero, ya hungry @#$%.  
  
Zidane / monkey: Let's just go get Tidus back.  
  
The party runs into the stable that Tidus was thrown into. An alarm goes off as they walk in. Choco Bill runs in.  
  
Choco Bill: You imbeciles... You tried to steal my chocobos!!! Now behold as I take my other form and... TURN INTO THE CHOCO CRAP!!!!  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Wakka / Raijin: ...Choco Crap, eh? Heh heh...  
  
Everyone laughs.  
  
Choco Crap: Hey, it has a nice ring to it. Both words start with a C. *grin* Now... BEHOLD MY POWER!!!!!  
  
The party gets into a battle with Choco Crap. Cloud and Serge, both dressed like Crono, run over to him.  
  
Cloud / Crono: ...  
  
Serge / Crono: ...  
  
Vincent / vampire: I think vot they said vos that they vould impale the crap vith their hair.  
  
Cloud and Serge impale Choco Crap with their hair and Choco Crap is instantly knocked out.  
  
Cloud / Crono and Serge / Crono: *grin*  
  
Cid / Eminem: Well, that was pretty @#$%in' easy, yo? *starts to rap*  
  
Tidus / chocobo: O_o Well, you guys saved me. Wark wark. So let's all move on, kweh...  
  
Zidane / monkey: Quit saying kweh and wark.  
  
Tidus / chocobo: Wark, we all have to act like what we are. Wark.  
  
Zidane / monkey: Right... *makes monkey sound*  
  
Everyone: O_o;;  
  
So the party continues on. Meanwhile, with GROUP 2 -- VEGETABLES AND OTHER FOODS...  
  
Leena / potato: So, shall we head out?  
  
Rinoa / tomato: Shut up, potatos can't talk.  
  
Leena / potato: Neither can tomatos!!  
  
Rinoa / tomato: GGGRR!!!!  
  
Rinoa and Leena start to catfight.  
  
Squall / lobster: WOOHOO!!! Hey, you know what would make this better? *grins* Shera?  
  
Shera / tea bag: :D Of course.  
  
Shera somehow gets tea all over Rinoa and Leena. Their clothes are now wet and sticking to their bodies... And they're still fighting... O_o  
  
Vivi / carrot: *watching intently* Porn!!!  
  
Raine / shrimp: O.o This isn't appropriate.  
  
Laguna / crab: *also watching* Who cares?!  
  
Raine / shrimp: HEY!!!! *bites all the guys*  
  
Squall / lobster: O.o Shrimp don't bite... They're dead.  
  
Raine / shrimp: o.O Then how'd I just bite all you??  
  
Leena / potato: *sigh* Where is this leading? Let's just get going...  
  
So the 7 foods head off. They reach the Crater and walk through it. It isn't long before they get hungry.  
  
Raine / shrimp: *drool* Mmm... I want some salad... *bites off a piece of Rinoa's, Vivi's, and Leena's costumes* With some shrimp... *bites off a piece of own costume* Mmm... *falls over, poisoned from the fabric O.o*  
  
Squall / lobster: o.O Well, maybe we should stop for food.  
  
Shera / tea bag: There's a McDonald's right there.  
  
Laguna / crab: We're in the middle of the Crater... Gee, they have McDonald's everywhere these days. O.o  
  
Vivi / carrot: Let's go in.  
  
The party walks into the McDonald's. A McDonald's employee walks up to them.  
  
Employee: *hands out menus* Please be seated.  
  
Rinoa / tomato: But McDonald's isn't a formal restaurant.  
  
Employee: This is a special McDonald's. It's strictly for FFVII villains. You ARE FFVII villains, aren't you?  
  
Shera / tea bag: *sweatdrop* Yeah. I'm the Tea Bag Weapon, and that over there's the Carrot Weapon and the Tomato Weapon and etc...  
  
Employee: Great. Sit down.  
  
The party sits at a table. At the table across from them is Sephiroth and Rufus.  
  
Shera / tea bag: *notices Sephiroth and Rufus* O_o Aren't those two dead?  
  
Sephiroth: *crying* Can you believe Aeris dumped me?...  
  
Rufus: *pats Sephiroth's back* Well, you did kill her...  
  
Sephiroth: But we were scheduled for a lemon at 4:00 that day... And then she dumps me!! So we missed the lemon!!! WAAAAAHH!!!!  
  
Rufus: O_o;; Oh, come on. There's always Yuffie.  
  
Sephiroth: But I can never reach her... Reno always does first... *sniffle*  
  
Shera / tea bag: *slowly turns away* I didn't want to hear any of that.  
  
An employee walks over.  
  
Employee: May I take your... Hey, how'd you guys escape the kitchen?! Come on, we have to have you fried right away.  
  
The employee drags the party away.  
  
Leena / potato: This can't be happening...  
  
Rinoa / tomato: Do you know who we are?! We're the VEGETABLE WEAPONS!!!  
  
Squall / lobster: That's right!! And WE CONTROL YOU!!!! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Employee: ...Shut up. I've already had some guy escape the kitchen, claiming he was the 'Cheese Weapon'. I dragged him right back and fried him and fed him to the Turks.  
  
Vivi / carrot: O.o Well, that explains why Aeris can never be revived. Cheese has been eaten.  
  
Laguna / crab: Also explains why Tseng is attracted to Aeris...  
  
Raine / shrimp: Wait, no it doesn't.  
  
Laguna / crab: Whatever. We're about to be eaten.  
  
Rinoa / lobster: Then how bout we beat the crap out of this guy?  
  
Shera / tea bag: Hey, great idea.  
  
The party gets into a battle with 'McDonald's Employee'.  
  
M. E.: MWUAHAHAHA!!!! YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE!!!!  
  
Rinoa / tomato: Whatever.  
  
Rinoa kicks M. E. in the groin and he falls over in pain. The party runs away.  
  
Leena / potato: Well, that was easy.  
  
Vivi / carrot: But we're still hungry.  
  
So the party continues on, in search of food. Meanwhile with GROUP 3 -- PLAYBOY BUNNIES. Quistis, Yuna, Lulu, Rikku, Irvine, Marle, and Lucca are walking around.  
  
Quistis: Where are all the houses?...  
  
Irvine: Hmm... Hey, look, a haunted house.  
  
Quistis: But we need a place to trick or treat.  
  
Rikku: This could be better...  
  
Lulu: Yeah, let's go in.  
  
The party walks up and rings the doorbell. A guy who looks strangely like Edgar from FFVI opens the door.  
  
Guy who's probably Edgar: O_O I've been waiting for this day!!! 7 beautiful women dressed as Playboy bunnies have finally arrived at my door!!  
  
Irvine: I'm a man.  
  
Guy who's probably Edgar: Hey, whatever. Just as long as you're dressed as a half-naked bunny.  
  
Lucca: Who the hell are you?  
  
Edgar: Edgar.  
  
Marle: Shit... This guy's a big flirt...  
  
Quistis: Worse than Irvine?  
  
Marle: Oh, yeah.  
  
Edgar pulls the 7 in and shuts the door.  
  
Yuna: What are you gonna do?  
  
Edgar: Well, I was just having a party and I was wondering if you'd do me a favor... The party kinda sucks...  
  
Edgar leads everyone to a room in which the whole FFVI party is sitting, looking bored to hell.  
  
Edgar: Could you strip for us?  
  
Irvine: Could we?!  
  
Irvine jumps onto a table and takes off his top. O.o  
  
Irvine: Hey everybody! *wink* Get ready for some sugar!!  
  
Locke: ...Is that stripper a man?  
  
Shadow: Dear God, Edgar, your parties suck.  
  
Cyan: Yeah, I can't believe you can't even afford a decent stripper.  
  
Edgar: But I have women too!!  
  
Yuna: There is no way we're stripping!!!  
  
Edgar: Let me guess, you're the holy virgin summoner?...  
  
Yuna: ...?? *looks around* Ah, dammit.  
  
The rest of the girls are stripping on the table with Irvine.  
  
Edgar: I guess you're left no choice.  
  
Yuna: Whatever. *jumps onto the table*  
  
So the 7 party members strip as the guys of FFVI look on and Celes, Terra, and Relm are attempting to beat the guys to death.  
  
~*~  
  
That's the first part of what happens. Wait for the next chapter, in which Groups 4-6 will be featured! And as always, please review~! 


	3. I NEED SCISSORS!!!! 61!!!!!!!

Welcome back!!! Thanks to Re for helping me so much with this chapter!!! ^_^  
  
Re: I did read your fic, it's wonderful. ^^  
  
Everyone: Go read Golden-Sephy's FFVII fic!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own crap...  
  
~*~  
  
We join GROUP 4 -- HAIRY ANIMALS. They're shown walking around near the Gold Saucer.  
  
Tifa / horse head: *attached to Aeris* Why do we have to be attached?!  
  
Aeris / horse butt: Cause we're a horse together...  
  
Seymour / baboon: Do I even belong in this group?  
  
Kimahri / giant cat: Yes, dumbass. You're a baboon.  
  
Seymour / baboon: How dare you insult me?! I'm gonna send Barbie out to get you!!! *evil glare*  
  
Cait Sith / Meowth: *sigh* We're getting nowhere...  
  
Steiner / Pikachu: ...Meowth? I finally found you!!  
  
Cait Sith / Meowth: O_o;; *edges away from Steiner*  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: Why am I in this group??  
  
Lynx / giant cat: *grin* You're Seymour.  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: Ah, yes. Seymour is a hairy animal!!  
  
Seymour / baboon: So true. :D  
  
Seifer / giant cat: Let's get going, dammit!!!  
  
Red XIII / Simba: Yeah. I heard that the Gold Saucer opened a few new sections.  
  
Tifa / horse head: Great. We can go steal some candy!!!  
  
Kimahri / giant cat: WOOHOO!!! CANDYYY!!!! *dies*  
  
Everyone: ...O_o  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: That was random.  
  
The party walks into the Gold Saucer. Dio runs over.  
  
Dio: How'd you get loose?! Get back to the zoo!!!  
  
Dio drags the party to a zoo-like area that's in the middle of the Gold Saucer. He locks everyone up in cells and walks away.  
  
Aeris / horse butt: So... This is one of the new sections. *glares at Yuffie*  
  
Seifer / giant cat: Well, how do we get outta here?!  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: We wait...  
  
Moving onto GROUP 5 -- STRANGE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE. They're standing outside Tifa's bar.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: *sigh* Our group is hard to work with...  
  
Dagger / princess: Yeah... We're all so random.  
  
Barret / Mr. T: Yo, foos, let's trick or treat!  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Yeah... ^^ I know where we could go!!  
  
The party somehow is transported to Arni.  
  
Harle / mime (a/n: I changed her costume) : ... *makes weird motions*  
  
Dagger / princess: Harle's right... How are we gonna get back to the FFVII world?  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: We trick or treat here first. We'll think of something later!  
  
Selphie / Sakura: *grin* YAY!!! Let's go!!  
  
Everyone heads off to trick or treat. They knock on the first house and Terra answers.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: O.o What are you doing here?  
  
Terra: *eyes red* Hee hee... I'M HERE TO ELIMINATE YOU!!!! *grin*  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Barret / Mr. T: RUN, FOOS!!!  
  
Terra: DIIIIEEEEE!!!!! *chases the party*  
  
Harle / mime: *makes motions*  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Harle's right, we need an airship...  
  
The party keeps running. Suddenly they come across an airship sitting conveniently in the middle of the field. They get in and fly away as Terra screams at them from the distance.  
  
Terra: I NEED SCISSORS!!!! 61!!!!!!! *grin*  
  
Dagger / princess: O_o;; *slowly looks away from Terra* We're lucky to have found this airship.  
  
Barret / Mr. T: That's right, foo. Now we need to see how long it'll hold...  
  
The airship suddenly crashes.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: *glares at Barret* You bastard.  
  
Dagger / princess: Look, we're...  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: ...Back in the FFVII world.  
  
Barret / Mr. T: Damn!  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Oh well. Wanna go back to trick or treating?  
  
Harle / mime: *makes motions*  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Great, let's go...  
  
The party heads to the Crater.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Look, it's Reno's house, conveniently placed outside the Crater!!  
  
Dagger / princess: Let's go in!  
  
The team knocks on the door. Reno answers. He's wearing a pink frilly ballerina outfit and looks like he hasn't shaved in days. O.o To top it off, he's completely drunk.  
  
Reno: *slurry voice* Hewo?  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Trick or treat!  
  
Reno: Fuck you ya shith.  
  
Dagger / princess: Give us candy!  
  
Reno: Okie, alrighthy...  
  
Reno walks outside and goes into a garage. He comes out a minute later in a giant truck. The back is filled with candy. He drives it out and dumps a few tons of candy onto the party.  
  
Reno: *grin* Yay...  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: *emerges from the candy* Woohoo!!! Thanks!!!  
  
Reno: Shure ya fugly kid.  
  
Reno walks back into his house.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Look at all this candy!!  
  
Dagger / princess: He must have more...  
  
Barret / Mr. T: Yo, foos, let's go get sum more! *grin*  
  
Harle / mime: *makes motions*  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Great idea... We can all go change our costumes and come back to Reno's house and take more candy!!! :D  
  
Everyone walks into Reno's garage.  
  
Dagger / princess: Hey, here are some trash bags. Let's steal them! :D  
  
Everyone puts on the trash bags and walk to the front of Reno's house. They ring the bell.  
  
Reno: Hewo...  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Trick or treat!  
  
Reno: Hee hee... PURPLE WORM ON HICKORY KICKORY ROCK!!!! =DDD  
  
Dagger / princess: O.o Can we have some candy?  
  
Reno: Turn off the game conshole now... Don't shit too closhe to the tv...  
  
Selphie / Sakura: o.O Shit?  
  
Reno: CANDYYY!!!!!  
  
Reno throws some candy at the party and closes the door.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Well, he's definitely drunk.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: We don't even need other costumes. Let's walk around in garbage bags, he won't notice that we're the same people!  
  
The team rings the door again. Reno walks out.  
  
Reno: Have shome cookiesh! *grin*  
  
Reno pulls out a tray with small lumpy inedible things on them.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: ... *sniffs the things and faints*  
  
Dagger / princess: O_o;; Well, I guess we're done trick or treating...  
  
Reno: One time I wash driving home and shaw an orange object in the shky... And then it wash green everywhere...  
  
Selphie / Sakura: ...You're right, Dagger, let's go.  
  
The party quickly runs off. Onto GROUP 6 -- AUTHORS AND SEPHIROTHS. The team is standing in the Gold Saucer.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: How'd we end up here?  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: I dunno. Oh well, let's all go steal candy!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: -_-;; Maybe we should go back.  
  
Suddenly, familiar screaming is heard.  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: Hmm... That sounds like a damsel in distress...  
  
The party runs into the zoo section, where the screaming is coming from. They see GROUP 4 in cages like animals.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Who was screaming...?  
  
Akari notices a man feeding Seymour bananas. Seymour is the one screaming.  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o;;  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Well, let's save them!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Yes, we must save them from being fed bananas!!! :D  
  
Everyone: ...O.o  
  
Re / Sephiroth: ...Sorry.  
  
Ryu / Cloud: Let's battle the zoo keeper!!!  
  
The party gets into a battle with the zoo keeper. Cheesy action music plays and the background turns swirly.  
  
Z. K.: MWUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!! I WILL FEED THE WORLD BANANAS!!!!!!! =DDD  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Let's just get this over with... REKKA SHINEN!!!  
  
Re pulls out her fan and it slices Z. K. He's knocked out instantly.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: ^_^ That was easy.  
  
Everyone except Re: o.O Wow.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Now, to free everyone...  
  
Re / Sephiroth: But don't we need the keys to the cages?...  
  
Ryu / Cloud: Hmm...  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: GET US OUTTA HERE!!!!  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: Uh-oh... It's not good to be around Yuffie when she's pissed...  
  
Yuffie goes into rage mode and performs a few Limit Breaks. Suddenly the whole Gold Saucer gets knocked down.  
  
Everyone: O_O  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: *grins cutely* Well, what now?  
  
Akari / Tifa: Well, I guess we need to get the Gold Saucer back up...  
  
Suddenly everything is restored.  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Akari / Tifa: Alrighty...  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: Well, we'll be heading back to Tifa's.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Okay. The rest of us are gonna steal candy at the Gold Saucer! ^^  
  
GROUP 6 walks into the Gold Saucer and looks around.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Hey, look... A villain convention!!! ^_^  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Let's all go see it!!!  
  
The party goes over to a giant villain convention that's conveniently set up in the middle of the Gold Saucer. A million villains are everywhere.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Hey... It's Sephiroth!!!!!! ^___^  
  
Re runs over to Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiroth: Cosplayers!!! *cheesy grin*  
  
Re / Sephiroth: O.o Right... Anyway, can I have your autograph?  
  
Sephiroth: Okie! :D *signs a paper*  
  
Suddenly Kuja runs over and eats the paper. O.o  
  
Kuja: Why do you ask for his autograph?! I'm the best villain!!!  
  
Akari / Tifa: ...Why are you dressed as a woman?  
  
Kuja: Wha??  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: You DO have a lot of makeup on. XD  
  
Kuja: Hey, it brings out the color of my eyes. *bats lashes*  
  
Ryu / Cloud: ... *eye twitches* Let's beat the crap outta him.  
  
The party gets into a battle with Kuja.  
  
Kuja: I'M INVINCIBLE!!!!  
  
Akari kicks Kuja in the @#$%.  
  
Kuja: You forgot!! I'm a WOMAN! :D  
  
Akari / Tifa: Well... Re?  
  
Re / Sephiroth: ^^ REKKA SHINEN!!!!  
  
Re attacks and Kuja is instantly knocked out.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: And, so, it is proven!! SEPHY RULEZ ALL!!!! =DDD  
  
Sephiroth: O.o I have to go now. *quickly runs away*  
  
Re / Sephiroth: ...Alrighty...  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Yeah... Well, let's go.  
  
And so, the party heads back.  
  
~*~  
  
Please review! ^_^ 


	4. NUCLEAR BOMB: DO NOT EAT

Welcome back.  
  
Disclaimer: NM OWNZ ALL. MWUAHAHAHAHA. *dies*  
  
~*~  
  
The scene shows GROUP 1 -- THE DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE IN A DUMB BOY BAND. They're walking around in a field.  
  
Tidus / chocobo: Well, good thing we got away from the Choco Crap, wark.  
  
Zidane / monkey: Yeah. What now?  
  
Wakka / Raijin: I was thinking, ya know? We can relax... Ya know... *wink*  
  
Vincent / vampire: He eez right. Let'z all go to a strip club.  
  
Serge / Crono: WOOHOO!!!!  
  
Everyone: ...O.o  
  
Serge / Crono: ...What? I'm just imitating Crono...  
  
Crono / Serge: ... *whacks Serge on the head, knocking him out*  
  
Cid / Eminem: That was @#$%in' smart. Now we have one less @#$% party member...  
  
Cloud / Crono: ...  
  
Zell / Kero: Yes, Cloud's right, we can just continue on without Serge.  
  
Everyone walks on, leaving Serge in the field, unconscious. They reach the Wall Market.  
  
Zidane / monkey: Hey... Don Corneo's having a strip party! :D  
  
Tidus / chocobo: And he's letting everyone go in for free, wark! Let's go!  
  
The team runs over to Don Corneo's house. They walk in and sit down. Don Corneo walks onto the stage.  
  
Don: Welcome! Today I'm sharing the fun with all you horny bastards out there!! :DDD Enjoy the show!  
  
A bunch of women dressed in skimpy outfits walk onstage. Only... They all look like men. O.o  
  
Cloud / Crono: ...!!!  
  
Wakka / Raijin: Those are men, ya?!  
  
Don: Oops... Sorry... Those are for my PERSONAL use. *wink wink*  
  
Everyone: O_O  
  
The men walk offstage. Quistis, Yuna, Lulu, Rikku, Irvine, Marle, and Lucca all walk onstage, dressed in their Playboy bunny outfits.  
  
Quistis: Damn Edgar...  
  
Rikku: Yeah, how could that bastard trick us into stripping for Corneo!?  
  
Edgar: *walks onstage* Hey, he's paying you. *walks offstage*  
  
Marle: That's right, we do need the money...  
  
Lulu: Yep, but I don't know for what purpose.  
  
Yuna: Well, quite possibly we need it only to make the story advance...  
  
Lucca: So let's get stripping, dammit.  
  
Tidus / chocobo: WARK WARK!!!! *whistles at Yuna*  
  
Yuna: *winks and removes top* :D  
  
Vincent / vampire: Er... Vot is Irvine doing here?  
  
Zidane / monkey: Who cares? He sure is hot... *drools*  
  
Vincent / vampire: O_O *edges away from Zidane*  
  
All the women start to strip as the guys look on.  
  
Don: *sees Irvine* Hey... How'd he escape? All the men are supposed to meet in my room for some action...  
  
Everyone: *stares at Don* o.O  
  
Don: Er... Oh shit. *smiles nervously*  
  
Zell / Kero: Now we all know why Don never gets any chicks...  
  
Don grabs Irvine and pulls him off to another room.  
  
Irvine: Help!!! I'm a woman!!!  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Cid / Eminem: Maybe we should go rescue that @#$%.  
  
Yuna: Yes. It's the right thing to do.  
  
Crono / Serge: DAMMIT, JUST CONTINUE STRIPPING!!!!  
  
Everyone: ... *looks at Crono*  
  
Crono / Serge: Er... Sorry.  
  
Lucca: No, we have to save Irvine.  
  
Rikku: Yeah, let's go!  
  
The whole party rushes into Corneo's room...  
  
Lulu: O_O *shields eyes*  
  
Marle: DEAR GOD!!!!!  
  
Quistis: THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!!  
  
Rikku: They're... *gasp* PLAYING MONOPOLY!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna: OH THE HORRORS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone is playing Monopoly. Irvine and Don are there, as are the men dressed in skimpy female outfits who walked onstage before.  
  
Irvine: *moves a few spaces* Woohoo!!! *grabs a pile of fake money*  
  
Zell / Kero: This is completely vulgar!!  
  
Wakka / Raijin: We have to stop it, ya know!?  
  
Don: ...Well, we were finished playing anyway.  
  
Tidus / chocobo: Good, kweh. That was one of the most disturbing moments of my life.  
  
Vincent / vampire: Let'z all just go.  
  
The parties leave the Wall Market.  
  
Cloud / Crono: ...  
  
Zidane / monkey: He's right, let's all head back to Tifa's.  
  
Wakka / Raijin: ...Ya seriously understand him?  
  
Zidane / monkey: ...No. I'm just guessing what he's saying.  
  
Tidus / chocobo: Wark. That's what we were all doing.  
  
So the party heads back. Meanwhile with GROUP 2 -- VEGETABLES AND OTHER FOODS... The party is walking around, still searching for food.  
  
Squall / lobster: *sigh* We've been searching for hours.  
  
Laguna / crab: Well, maybe we can go trick or treating in Midgar and eat the candy...  
  
Raine / shrimp: But we don't know what we're eating. People are dangerous.  
  
Raine stares at the readers.  
  
Raine / shrimp: Hey kids, never take candy from people who wear high heels and makeup and look a lot like Kuja. Actually, don't take candy from anyone. Don't even go trick or treating, in fact. Someone will kidnap you and kick your ass and eat your flesh. That once happened to me when I got kidnapped by Strago... *shudder*  
  
Everyone: ...O_O  
  
Vivi / carrot: Who the hell are you talking to?  
  
Raine / shrimp: Er... No one...  
  
Leena / potato: o.O Um... Let's just get going.  
  
The party walks on. They reach Midgar.  
  
Rinoa / tomato: Well, we might as well trick or treat...  
  
Raine / shrimp: Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you.  
  
The party walks up to a random house and rings the doorbell. Kuja answers. He's wearing makeup and high heels.  
  
Kuja: *womanly voice* Hello!  
  
Raine / shrimp: ...O.o  
  
Shera / tea bag: Trick or treat!  
  
Kuja: Oh, alrighty. :D  
  
Kuja takes out a package with the words "NUCLEAR BOMB: DO NOT EAT" written on the side. He stuffs it into Shera's hands.  
  
Kuja: Make sure you eat it ALL!! *giggle*  
  
Shera / tea bag: o.O Okay...  
  
Everyone is still and silent for a few moments.  
  
Kuja: ...Well?  
  
Leena / potato: We have to eat it now?  
  
Kuja: Yes! *evil laugh*  
  
Squall / lobster: Um... No, that's alright...  
  
Kuja: EAT IT!!!!!!!  
  
Laguna / crab: ...RUN!  
  
Everyone runs away from Kuja. They hide near a random house.  
  
Raine / shrimp: What did I tell you?!  
  
Shera / tea bag: Hey, Kuja wouldn't want to hurt us. This looks like a perfectly normal piece of candy.  
  
Raine / shrimp: ...It weighs five tons and is three times bigger than your head.  
  
Shera / tea bag: Haven't you ever heard of Extra Large Gobstopers?  
  
Raine / shrimp: Oh yeah...  
  
Rinoa / tomato: That's right, this is perfectly safe to eat. :D  
  
Vivi / carrot: So, can we?  
  
Suddenly a sound like a digital clock counting down is heard.  
  
Squall / lobster: O.o Um... I think it's gonna explode...  
  
Shera / tea bag: !!!  
  
Shera throws the package into the backyard that they're near. It explodes and the backyard is destroyed. An old man who looks a lot like Strago runs out.  
  
Strago: NOOOO!!!!! MY PRECIOUS BACKYARD!!!!!!! *breaks down and cries*  
  
Leena / potato: O.o We're sorry...  
  
Strago: *stops crying* It's okay. *smiles happily*  
  
Everyone: o.O  
  
Strago: Wanna have some candy?  
  
Vivi / carrot: YEAH!!!  
  
Strago: Come into my house.  
  
The party walks into Strago's house.  
  
Strago: Be right back... MWUAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Strago: ...Sorry. Just a habit.  
  
Strago walks out of the room. Suddenly the lights turn out and everything goes black. Footsteps are heard walking into the room.  
  
Squall / lobster: OW!!!! SOMEONE KICKED ME IN THE BUTT!!!!!!  
  
Vivi / carrot: Hey, they kicked me too!!!!  
  
Someone who sounds like Strago: HAHAHAH!!!!! *kick kick*  
  
Everyone: Ow!  
  
Shera / tea bag: Who's doing this?!  
  
Someone who sounds like Strago: I WILL DEVOUR YOUR FLESH!!!!!!! :DDD  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Raine / shrimp: What did I tell you? *sigh*  
  
Laguna / crab: RUN!!!!!  
  
Everyone runs out of the house.  
  
Rinoa / tomato: O.o That was the strangest experience ever.  
  
Suddenly Strago stumbles out of the house.  
  
Strago: HEY!! LET ME EAT YOU!!!!!  
  
Leena / potato: Run, dammit!!  
  
The party runs toward Tifa's bar. Since GROUP 3 was already shown, GROUP 4 -- HAIRY ANIMALS are next.  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: So, tell me one thing...  
  
Tifa / horse head: What?  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: We were heading to your bar, right?  
  
Tifa / horse head: Yeah.  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: So... Why the hell are we in the middle of Nibelheim?  
  
Tifa / horse head: *shrugs* Dunno.  
  
Aeris / horse butt: Well, Tifa might know some people here... So we can trick or treat, right?  
  
Tifa / horse head: ...NO!!! That's not a good idea!!!!  
  
Too late. Everyone is already walking toward a house.  
  
Tifa / horse head: *sigh*  
  
Seifer / giant cat: *rings the doorbell* Meow.  
  
Steiner / Pikachu: That was random.  
  
Seifer / giant cat: Yep. We have to fill space.  
  
Mojo from CC answers.  
  
Lynx / giant cat: Hey, I know you! *grin*  
  
Mojo: *wiggles* :D  
  
Seifer / giant cat: O.o Give us candy.  
  
Mojo looks at Seifer. Hearts appear over Mojo's head.  
  
Mojo: I'll give you whatever you want...  
  
Seifer / giant cat: O.O Ah damn.  
  
Mojo pulls Seifer into the house and shuts the door.  
  
Everyone: ...O.o  
  
Tifa / horse head: See why I didn't wanna trick or treat here? The people who live here are crazy.  
  
Aeris / horse butt: *stares at Tifa*  
  
Tifa / horse head: ...HEY! *punches Aeris in the face*  
  
Seymour / baboon: o.O Well, let's rescue Seifer.  
  
Kimahri / giant cat: But how do we get into the house?  
  
Tifa / horse head: =D I know! In my house, I have a secret passage in my closet. I can access any house in Nibelheim through it...  
  
Tifa leads the party into her house. Her mother is standing there.  
  
Tifa's mother: Hi Tifa!!  
  
Tifa / horse head: MOM!! I thought you were dead!!!!  
  
Tifa's mother: I came back to life, ya know?  
  
Tifa / horse head: O.o  
  
Tifa's mother: Oh, you have a boyfriend!  
  
Tifa's mother examines Seymour.  
  
Tifa's mother: My, you sure are fugly, ya know?  
  
Tifa / horse head: ...YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!!!!!  
  
Tifa's mother: Yes I am.  
  
Tifa / horse head: But... *breaks into tears* I hate Seymour...  
  
Tifa's mother: May I ask why you're attached to that girl?  
  
Aeris / horse butt: Hiya. *grin*  
  
Tifa's mother: Well... It's strange, ya know...  
  
Cait Sith / Meowth: You really aren't Tifa's mother...  
  
Red XIII / Simba: That's right!  
  
Red XIII pulls off Tifa's mother's mask to reveal that she's Raijin in disguise.  
  
Everyone: O_O  
  
Raijin: Ah dammit... I just wanted to be in the fic, ya know?  
  
Raijin jumps out the window.  
  
Tifa / horse head: O.o Well, let's just go save Seifer.  
  
The party goes into Tifa's room. They walk into the closet and appear in Mojo's house.  
  
Steiner / Pikachu: Listen, pika...  
  
Screams are suddenly heard.  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Cait Sith / Meowth: It's coming from that room!!  
  
Everyone runs into a room.  
  
Yuffie / Seymour: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!  
  
Lynx / giant cat: WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?  
  
Steiner / Pikachu: They're... PLAYING TRIPLE TRIAD!!!!  
  
Seymour / baboon: OH THE HORRORS!!!!!!! *shields eyes*  
  
Tifa / horse head: ...This is getting dumb. That's the second time that's been repeated in this fic.  
  
Aeris / horse butt: But why was Seifer screaming?  
  
Seifer: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! I JUST LOST MY CACTUAR CARD!!!!!!!!!! ;___;  
  
Mojo: He's just teaching me how to play. :D  
  
Suddenly a shadow appears by the window...  
  
Kimahri / giant cat: *sigh* Raijin?  
  
Person by the window: O.o No... Anyway, did I hear someone say that they were gonna kill Seifer?!  
  
Everyone: No.  
  
Person by the window: Er... Shit. Oh well. I'm here to rescue you!!!! :DDD  
  
Seifer / giant cat: ...Quistis?  
  
Person by the window: ...Yeah.  
  
Seifer / giant cat: =DDD WOOHOO!!!!!!! SHE'S DRESSED AS A PLAYBOY BUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Quistis: Er, yeah. I was sorta heading back to Tifa's with Groups 1 and 3 and got separated. And then I heard screaming.  
  
Red XIII: X_o Well, he screams loud if his screaming reached Midgar...  
  
Tifa / horse head: Anyway... Let's all head back to the bar...  
  
Aeris / horse butt: Yeah. This has been a very disturbing day.  
  
Aeris points out Quistis and Seifer making out in the corner and Mojo starting a game of Triple Triad with Lynx.  
  
Tifa / horse head: o.O Let's go...  
  
The party heads out. GROUP 5 -- STRANGE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE is shown next.  
  
Barret / Mr. T: Yo foos, where are we??  
  
Selphie / Sakura: I don't know... We just started running from the Crater and ended up here...  
  
Dagger / princess: Um, why is everything green???  
  
The party looks around. Everything is watery and green. A dead body floats by.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: ...Is that Shadow's body?!?!  
  
Selphie / Sakura: O.o Sure looks like it... I guess this is where they dump all the dead people...  
  
Dagger / princess: The Lifestream.  
  
Barret / Mr. T: Hey foos, how'd we get here??  
  
Harle / mime: ...  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: ...  
  
Selphie / Sakura: ...  
  
Dagger / princess: ...How the hell would we know? We just have to get outta here.  
  
A dead fish floats by.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: ...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Sorry. Fish scare me. Especially if they're dead... *shudder*  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Er, right. Now, let's try to float to the top...  
  
The party starts swimming toward the top of the water. They get out.  
  
Barret / Mr. T: Now we're in Mideel, foos! :D  
  
Dagger / princess: Maybe we can trick or treat here?  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Alright... But all the houses are kinda down.  
  
Everything is in ruins like it was in FFVII.  
  
Dagger / princess: *walks up to a random person* Trick or treat!  
  
Hobo: Go to hell. *takes a swig of alcohol*  
  
Dagger / princess: O.o Alrighty, we should really leave...  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: Yes. Let's just head back to Tifa's.  
  
The party heads toward the exit of the city. Suddenly the earth breaks open and they all fall in. O.o Finally, with GROUP 6 -- AUTHORS AND SEPHIROTHS. The party is in Tifa's bar.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: *sigh* Where is everyone??  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: I guess they're still out trick or treating...  
  
Ryu / Cloud: Hey, we didn't even get any candy!  
  
Akari / Tifa: What now, we should go trick or treating?  
  
Ryu / Cloud: Yep. *grin* I know where!  
  
The party appears in Mideel.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: O.o This place is in ruins...  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: But we can still trick or treat! :D *runs up to a random person* Trick or treat!  
  
Hobo: *glare* Shut up.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: o.O But It's Halloween.  
  
Hobo: That's it, I'm gonna get you!!!  
  
The hobo starts chasing the party.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: *smacks own forehead* Well, there's only one way outta this...  
  
Akari / Tifa: Wait, not yet! Look up ahead...  
  
Akari points to a place where the earth is cracked. The Lifestream water is seeping through. Someone's hand is sticking out. O_o  
  
Akari / Tifa: There's someone in there. If you use your attack, the city could get destroyed and the person could die. :D So let's save them!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: O.o Okay.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: I'll take care of the hobo! *grin*  
  
Takt trips the hobo and throws him off to the side.  
  
Ryu / Cloud: O.o Wow. That was really easy.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Yep. Wonder why we didn't do that in the first place?  
  
Akari / Tifa: We have to fill space. :D  
  
Re / Sephiroth: O.o Alrighty... Anyway... We have to save that person.  
  
Re walks over to the crack in the earth and pulls on the person's hand. She takes them out of the Lifestream.  
  
Akari / Tifa: ...Harle?  
  
Harle / mime: *nods*  
  
Akari / Tifa: That means that the rest of Group 5 is around here...  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Where are they?  
  
Harle / mime: *makes motions*  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Oh great, she's dressed as a mime.   
  
Ryu / Cloud: TALK!!  
  
Harle / mime: *makes more motions*  
  
Akari / Tifa: *takes out a flamethrower* TALK!!!  
  
Harle / mime: *still making motions*  
  
Re / Sephiroth: *grins* REKKA SHINEN!!!!!!!  
  
Re performs her attack and suddenly everything is destroyed.  
  
Akari / Tifa: *glare* Well, that wasn't smart.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: But look...  
  
The earth is cracked more.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: How does that help??  
  
Re runs over to the cracked earth. She pulls out another hand. It's Kidd.  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: *covered in dog crap* The Lifestream is so polluted!  
  
Ryu / Cloud: o_O What were you doing there??  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: We all fell in. :D  
  
Kidd pulls out Selphie and Dagger.  
  
Akari / Tifa: What about Barret?  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: *dumb look on face* Who?  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o  
  
Kidd / Yuffie: ... *snicker*  
  
Akari / Tifa: Let's just go...  
  
The party heads back to Tifa's bar.  
  
~*~  
  
Please review!! ^^ The next chapter will be the final. 


	5. WHY ARE YOU EATING MY FACE, BLACK MAGE!

Welcome to the final chapter!!! ^^ Thanks to everyone, and please keep reviewing. And thanks to Re for helping me with a huge scene involving fish and stuff. O.o  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own crap. So get reading. *glare*  
  
~*~  
  
All the parties are in the middle of a random field.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: ...O.o So tell me again, how did we all meet up?  
  
Akari / Tifa: *shrugs* It's scripted.  
  
Tifa / horse head: So... We should all head back to my bar now, right?  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Yeah... But where do we find it?...  
  
Re / Sephiroth: O_o;; It's right there, conveniently placed in the middle of the field...  
  
Everyone starts to walk to the bar. Suddenly the earth cracks and they all fall in. O.o That's the 2nd time that's happened... But anyway, everyone is in the Lifestream. A giant statue, like in a fish tank, floats by.  
  
Everyone: o_O;;  
  
Ryu / Cloud: What the hell???  
  
Suddenly a huge fish floats by.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: AAAAHHH!!!!!! ANOTHER FISH!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Giant Floating Fish: MWUAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I AM THE GO FISHER AND I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GAME OF GO FISH!!!!!!!!!!! :D  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Er... Alrighty... Who's gonna play?  
  
Selphie / Sakura: I am! *dramatic voice* All my life... Fish have been in my way.  
  
Big cheesy flashback... Selphie is shown at the Garden in the Cafeteria.  
  
Selphie: What? No hot dogs?! Wait... I don't care. I don't even like hot dogs. Anyway, what else do you have?  
  
Cafeteria lady: Um... Fish.  
  
Selphie: But fish tastes like socks.  
  
Cafeteria lady: It's all we have.  
  
Selphie: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Another of Selphie's flashbacks is shown. She's at Fisherman's Horizon, fishing.  
  
Selphie: Hmm... Hey, I got a bite! :D  
  
Selphie pulls up the rod.  
  
Selphie: A...FISH?! WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?! Don't they have sugar or something in this damn lake?!  
  
And a final flashback is shown. Selphie is in the orphanage as a child. She's with a boy younger than her and they're eating at the table.  
  
Selphie: Okay brother... Let's see what there is to eat!  
  
Selphie picks up a plate.  
  
Selphie: This looks like... FISH!!!  
  
Selphie's brother: *eating it* Mmm, itsh goodsh.  
  
Selphie: No... Brother, fish is POISONOUS!!!!!!!  
  
Selphie's brother: Mmm.... *takes another bite* Ahhhh..... *hack cough* I'M CHOKING I'M CHOKING I'M CHOKING I'M--*dies*  
  
Selphie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
End cheesy flashbacks.  
  
Squall / lobster: Er... Selphie, you had a brother?  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Uh... *sweatdrop* Yeah...  
  
All the SeeDs: But we don't remember you having one.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: ... *runs*  
  
Akari / Tifa: HEY! *pulls Selphie back* Go play Go Fish!  
  
Selphie / Sakura: *sigh* Fine...  
  
Selphie walks over to the Go Fisher and sits down across from him. A deck of Go Fish cards appears from nowhere. They start playing.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: *pulls out a card* Go fish...  
  
A few hours later...  
  
Everyone: *snore*  
  
Go Fisher: *gets a card* Go fish.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: *sigh* Why is this repeating over and over??  
  
Selphie picks up the deck and goes through it.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Hey... This is rigged!!!  
  
Go Fisher: How can you rig a game of Go Fish???  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Er... You can't. I was just lying to stop playing.  
  
Go Fisher: GGRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Selphie / Sakura: ...Ah crap.  
  
The Go Fisher starts to chase Selphie.  
  
Everyone: *wakes up* Huh???  
  
Selphie / Sakura: HEEEEELP!!!!!  
  
Dagger / princess: Oh, it's just Selphie being chased by her worst fear. Go back to sleep, everyone.  
  
Everyone: *goes back to sleep*  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Well, there's only one way out of this... WINDY!!!!!!!  
  
Selphie summons the Windy card and all the water and everything gets blown away.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: O.o I'm in a black, empty void... What's happening???  
  
Suddenly Black Mage from 8bit Theater appears.  
  
Black Mage: Hi Selphie! Wanna be evil? :D  
  
Selphie / Sakura: Er... No, that's okay...  
  
White Mage appears.  
  
White Mage: Good! Don't slip to his side!!  
  
Suddenly the screen shifts to Selphie, on the ground, with everyone else in the middle of a field. Selphie is unconscious and talking about something.  
  
Selphie: No...evil...  
  
Dagger / princess: When the hell is she gonna wake up??  
  
Selphie: NOOOO!!!!!!!! Don't eat my face!!!!!!!!  
  
Squall / lobster: O_o;; We should really wake her.  
  
Dagger / princess: Nah, I wanna see where this is going. :D  
  
Back at Selphie's dark void...  
  
Selphie: WHY ARE YOU EATING MY FACE, BLACK MAGE?!  
  
Black Mage: I guess I'd better tell you my secret... I'm really... STRAGO!!! *pulls off mask* :D MWUAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
White Mage: And I'm really... YOUR BROTHER!!!!!! *pulls off mask*  
  
Selphie: BUT YOU PEOPLE ARE DEAD!!! ...Except Strago!  
  
Suddenly Selphie wakes up, screaming.  
  
Selphie: *pant* I had a weird dream...  
  
Strago: It wasn't a dream! =DDD  
  
Selphie: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Selphie wakes up again, for real this time. She's in the middle of the field with everyone else.  
  
Selphie / Sakura: How'd we get back to the field??  
  
Everyone: *shrugs*  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o;; Let's just go back to Tifa's bar.  
  
Everyone is suddenly back at Tifa's bar.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: O.o Well, that was quick.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Okay people... Put all your candy on the table!  
  
Tifa / horse head: Why?  
  
Akari / Tifa: Cause I'm gonna eat it all!!! =DDD  
  
Aeris / horse butt: But that's not fair!  
  
Akari / Tifa: ... *whacks Aeris in the head* Now, put your candy down!!  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Kidd walks forward and puts a Butterfinger down. She steps back. Everyone is silent.  
  
Akari / Tifa: A BUTTERFINGER?! ARE YOU UNHOLY?!?!?!?!  
  
Akari quickly sets the Butterfinger on fire and throws it out the window. A 'boom' is heard.  
  
Akari / Tifa: *breathes out* Good thing we got rid of that eeevil substance... *shudder* And where the hell is all the candy?!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Well, I guess no one could get any...  
  
Akari / Tifa: WHY!?  
  
Tifa / horse head: There were no places to trick or treat!  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Oh, come on. There's Strago's house and Mojo's house and Reno's house...  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: ...I see your point.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: This was a really boring party... Let's just go.  
  
Akari / Tifa: NOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: ...O.o  
  
Akari / Tifa: Er... But this has to be another great fic from me!  
  
Ryu / Cloud: It sucks.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Wouldn't we all just be happier if Ryu died?  
  
Everyone: YEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari / Tifa: Alrighty. *sets Ryu on fire then throws him out the window*  
  
A 'boom' is heard. Akari smiles cheesily.  
  
Akari / Tifa: NOW will you people stay?  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Yep. You see, we were gonna leave cause we all hate Ryu. :D  
  
Akari / Tifa: Well, now... What do we do?  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Can we set more people on fire and throw them out the window? =DDD *pulls out weapon* I'll help too!  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o;; No, that's okay...  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Um, can we throw Rude out the window?  
  
Akari / Tifa: Why?  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Cause he has no hair! AND I LIKE HAIR!!! *cries*  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o;; What's he doing here anyway?  
  
Rude: :D Hiya.  
  
Akari / Tifa: *sigh* Okay... *sets Rude on fire and throws him out the window*  
  
Someone who sounds a lot like Ryu: Hey, what are you doing here?  
  
Suddenly a 'boom' is heard.  
  
Akari / Tifa: =DDD That was fun.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Hey... Look... Reno's here!  
  
Reno: *stumbles out of the corner and walks over to Cid* Heh heh... *hic* You're pretty damn hotsh! :D *hic*  
  
Cid: ...O_o  
  
Reno: Wanna have a *hic* good time?  
  
Cid: ...Yeah.  
  
Reno: :DDD WOOHOO!!!!!  
  
Reno and Cid jump out the window.  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_O Now... What the hell was that??  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Results of the author putting random crap into the fic. *glare*  
  
Akari / Tifa: *sweatdrop* Er... Yeah... Sure...  
  
Re / Sephiroth: So, what now?  
  
Someone who sounds a lot like Edgar: *cough*  
  
Akari / Tifa: Who was that?  
  
Someone who sounds a lot like Edgar: Me, Edgar.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Alrighty. O.o  
  
Edgar: Let's have a strip party!!!  
  
The Playboy bunnies: YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Irvine: W00T!!!!!! *jumps on the table and takes off his top*  
  
All the women: O_O  
  
Everyone looks away from Irvine in disgust.  
  
Irvine: *sigh* Why does everyone hate me?  
  
Akari / Tifa: Er... Maybe it's the fact that you have boobs...  
  
Irvine: ... *examines self* o.O I do...  
  
Akari / Tifa: *shudder* Okay, let's all kill Irvine!  
  
Everyone: YEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari sets Irvine on fire and throws him out the window. Someone who sounds a lot like Ryu says 'Hey, what are you doing here?' again. And then a 'boom' is heard, followed by girlish screams.  
  
Edgar: O.o Alrighty... Now where are the damn women?!  
  
Quistis: We changed our minds. We don't wanna strip.  
  
Yuna: Yeah, we already did.  
  
Lulu: Let someone else strip.  
  
Edgar: ...:D Okie!!!  
  
Edgar jumps on the table and takes off his top.  
  
All the women: Ehhh... *drool*  
  
All the men: *glare at Edgar*  
  
Zell / Kero: LET'S GET HIM!!!  
  
Edgar: *girlish voice* Eeek!!!  
  
The guys tackle Edgar and begin to beat the crap outta him.  
  
Tifa / horse head: *sigh* Damn. This is the worst party ever.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Well, I guess it's time for you people to leave...  
  
Everyone: *mumble*  
  
Everyone leaves except Tifa, Re, Takt, and Akari.  
  
Tifa / horse head: This was the crappiest fanfic you've ever written.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Hey, it can't be over already!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: It is.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Well, don't you people have any ideas?  
  
Re / Sephiroth: No.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Nope.  
  
Tifa / horse head: Get the hell out of my house. *glare*  
  
Akari / Tifa: Well, I guess we should just go.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Wait... Remember those characters who we didn't get to see do anything? :D  
  
Akari / Tifa: Er... No. o.O  
  
Re / Sephiroth: They disappeared in the middle of the fic! So let's follow them with a hidden camera!!!  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Yeah!! *pulls out a video camera*  
  
Tifa: Whatever. *runs away*  
  
Akari / Tifa: O.o Alright, let's go!!  
  
The authors run to the field outside the Wall Market.  
  
Akari / Tifa: Serge should be knocked out in this field... Remember back in the last chapter when Crono hit him? ^_^  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Look...  
  
Re points to Serge, lying half-dead in the middle of the field. The authors run into a nearby bush to hide.  
  
Serge / Crono: ... *stands up* ... *starts walking away*  
  
Re / Sephiroth: HEY!!! Get back here! We have to videotape you doing weird stuff! *cheesy grin*  
  
Serge / Crono: *sigh* ... *walks back* ... *stands there, doing nothing*  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Well?  
  
Serge / Crono: *takes a breath* WHY DID THOSE $%@&#*$^&#@$^(#@$&#%&$^(#@&@^%$*&^#@*&S LEAVE ME HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
Serge / Crono: ...I'm done. *walks away*  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Okay, that was really boring. Let's go spy on someone else! =D  
  
The three run to Mideel and look into the cracked earth.  
  
Akari / Tifa: In the last chapter, we never did find out what happened to Barret... *wink wink*  
  
Akari drags Re and Takt into the Lifestream. They look around.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: ...Nothing's here.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: O.o Wait...  
  
Takt points to something floating in the distance. They swim over. Barret is there, probably dead.  
  
Everyone: O_o;;  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Alrighty... What now??  
  
Akari / Tifa: We can drag him to the surface.  
  
Barret / Mr. T: That's okay, foo, I'm alright!  
  
Everyone: ......AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The authors swim to the surface and get out of the Lifestream.  
  
Akari / Tifa: That was just weird.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Hey, let's go to the Gold Saucer!  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Yeah, I think Kimahri was dead there...  
  
The party goes to the Gold Saucer. Kimahri is lying on the ground there, dead. A few people walk by and step on him. Crunching sounds are heard.  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o;; Maybe we should help him.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Nah, he's dead.  
  
The three stand there for a while, watching as Kimahri gets squished by various people. One of them is Auron.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: O.o What's Auron doing there??  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: *walks over* Hi! I disappeared in the middle of the fic. *glares at Akari*  
  
Akari / Tifa: *sweatdrop* Heh heh... Yeah...  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: So... What are you guys doing?  
  
Akari / Tifa: Well, the fic's over. So we were just leaving.  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: But... I wanna be in it now!!!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Too bad. *evil grin*  
  
Auron / Sephiroth: NOOOOOOO!!!!! *casually walks away*  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: O.o Anyway, look... It's SEPHIROTH!!!!!  
  
The authors run over to Sephiroth, who's standing in the Gold Saucer.  
  
Sephiroth: =D You again!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Can I have your autograph?  
  
Sephiroth signs a paper. Again, Kuja walks over and eats it.  
  
Kuja: NO! I'M THE BEST VILLAIN!!!!  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Akari / Tifa: You're wearing a crotch buckle thing... And a frilly purple vest... What do you think that tells us about you?  
  
Kuja: ... *sigh* Why am I so misunderstood?? *cries*  
  
Everyone: o.O  
  
Kuja: That's it! I challenge you to a duel!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: I wanna battle him. Kuja always wanted to replace Sephiroth and while doing that, he's gotten in my way! Now I'm gonna get revenge!!  
  
A bunch of Re's flashbacks are shown... First, she's standing on the set of FFVII. Aeris's death scene is going on. Suddenly, Sephiroth accidentally slashes him own hand with his Masamune.  
  
Sephiroth: Ahh!!! I got a frikkin cut!!! HEEELP!!!  
  
Director: *sigh* We need a stunt double!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: I'll go on! =DDD  
  
Re runs onstage and gets into a pose.  
  
Director: Okay, action!  
  
Re is about to slash Aeris when suddenly, Kuja runs on the set and grabs the Masamune. He kills Aeris himself and runs off the set, laughing evilly.  
  
Kuja: MWUAHAHAHA!!!!! NOW I'M PERMANENTLY IN THE GAME!!!!!!! *runs away*  
  
Director: O.o Well, we can just delete that scene. But our best Aeris is gone! Noooo!!!!!  
  
A really fat smelly guy dressed in a pink dress walks on. He grins to show that 90% of his teeth are missing.  
  
Fat smelly guy: =B  
  
Director: o.O Good enough...  
  
Sephiroth runs onstage.  
  
Sephiroth: I'm okay! I can get back into the scene!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: NOOOO!!!! KUJA JUST RUINED MY CHANCE OF BEING IN FFVII!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Flashback ends.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: I have to destroy him!  
  
Akari / Tifa: There's too much déja` vu in this fanfic... *faints*  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Oh well. Beat the crap outta him!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: =D Gladly. *pulls out weapon* REKKA SHINEN!!!!!!  
  
Re attacks Kuja but suddenly, everything turns black. As the smoke clears up, one person is standing...  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Um... Maybe I should move out of the way. ^^;;  
  
Takt steps away. One person is standing... And that is a Kuja-shaped pile of ashes.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: O.o That's not a person!  
  
Whatever. Re is standing. Takt runs up to the ashes and pokes them. The pile collapses.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: Yay, he's dead!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: No he isn't... *pulls out a vacuum and grins evilly* But he's gonna be!!  
  
Re uses the vacuum on the ashes and Kuja is sucked up. She turns to Sephiroth.  
  
Re / Sephiroth: Can I have your autograph now? =D  
  
Sephiroth: Okie! *gives Re his autograph*  
  
Re / Sephiroth: YAY!!! *glomps Sephiroth*  
  
Sephiroth: AAAHHH!!!!! *tries to run out of the way but gets knocked down*  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: O.o *turns away slowly and sees Akari* Hey, HAIR!!!  
  
Takt runs over to Akari, who's still knocked out. He starts braiding her hair.  
  
Takt / Sephiroth: =DDD Hey, let's talk to dead people!!  
  
Re / Sephiroth: o.O Whatever...  
  
Suddenly Akari gets up.  
  
Akari / Tifa: I'm not dead~! =DDD  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *runs away*  
  
Akari / Tifa: O_o;; Well, that was the stupidest fic I've ever written.  
  
Akari walks off. Suddenly the earth cracks open and she falls into the Lifestream. And since the Lifestream is really green acid, she dies and now can't write any more fanfics! THE END!!!! =DDD  
  
~*~  
  
Um... Okay, that's all. O.o Please review, everyone! Thanks to everyone who did and gave me support as I wrote this fic. ^^ And most of all, thanks to Re for co-authoring and co-hosting this fic!! It was great working with you and your fics rule!!! ^_^ Thanks again to everyone. Now bye. o.O 


End file.
